In BRAIN DUMP

letting go

   

     It's been a while since I've written here and honestly, I can't blame it on writer's block. I like writing whenever I want, but sometimes there's this itch to write something that I can't seem to scratch.

     My sister and I had this impromptu online shopping excursion at 1AM. Really, it was my fault for mentioning that I was window shopping. It ended with 4 items in our cart and a deduction of RM108 from my sister's bank account. I'll maybe show you what we bought but we'll save that for another time. There was a promo actually- 4 items for RM100 - which was the main reason why we terfikir nak beli in the first place.

     I've been re-reading one of my senior's blogs to pass time and it made reflect a lot on my Form 3 life. A lot of things changed, and through it all I think I lost a lot of people too. One person is sort of coming back (?) but I'm not so sure about that. Her words ring in my head every day; can't afford another loss anymore. Makes me think whether I lost her first or was it the other way around. How do you solve this kind of problem? I really need some advice because it's really bothering me how she reached out first, but then she pulled back so quickly.

     I really recommend her blog for those who need some self-help or just something good to read. Her old blog is ashesofheaven.blogspot.com but the one that she updates now is thesyasyaeffect.wordpress.com. Have fun perusing!



     

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In DAILY

Change is Good





  Recently, we sat for our first exams of the semester. I honestly regret not studying diligently for the test (especially for Science, my god). Alhamdulillah, everything went smoothly. We received our results a few weeks ago. I shook as I took my Science paper (since everyone pasrah with Science).

I got a C.

  It would be a lie to say that I wasn't dissapointed in myself. I literally wanted to rip my paper to shreds, honestly. My first C for the mandatory subject. I guess that's why it was such a shock, since it's my first ever C. The only thing I thought about at the time was, "How am I going to tell mom?" since my mom is very strict about grades.

  I ended up calling her a few days after we received our results. With a shaky voice, I tell her about my grades. Surprisingly, she wasn't that dissapointed. She pointed out all my faults throughout the year so far (i.e being very mean to my younger sister, disobedient towards my mom yadda yadda yadda). In that moment, I felt very discouraged because I called her to get support, not a lecture.

  I realized later on that what she said was true. What you give, you get back, right? Then, I sought for change. I knew that if I didn't at least try to improve myself, my mom would be twice as dissapointed and my grades would continue to go downhill. I don't want that for myself. I want to keep bringing achievements to my parents, not dissapointment.

  The past few days, I've tried to be nicer to my younger sister (somehow). So far so good, I guess. It helps though because I feel more at peace every day. Must have something to do with me not getting mad at her. I have really bad temper issues, don't I?

  Another big thing happened this week but I'll save that for a different post. Adds to the suspense, don't you think?

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