Hello!
It's been a while since my last post. The holidays are coming to and end and school is right around the corner. I can't believe that next year, I'm going to have to face PT3, a huge checkpoint in my life. I kinda have this burden on my shoulders every time I think about it. Since my sister couldn't get straight A's in her PT3, I feel a bit down because my sister is my role model and if she couldn't, then how could I?
Plus, I think if I did get straight A's, she would be sad because it's heartbreaking, you know? To see your younger sister succeed over what you did. It somehow creates a hole in my heart when I think of it. At first, I thought that she would never have a reason to hate me or anything. But when I thought it through, PT3 was one of those things where if I get a better score than she did, she'll be disappointed in herself.
I don't really know. That's just one of my many worries.
A friend of mine sent the class list names and thank God, most of my classmates are the same as this year. I can't afford to lose them, you know? Now that I'm turning 15, I feel like I'm getting VERY old haha.
I've been trying this app called 7 Cups which is like a therapy app where you have listeners that you can talk to. So far, everyone I've met on there are very nice. You can become a listener too on the app. I find that it helps me a lot when I have a problem or I get anxiety and I can't talk to my friends and family.
Speaking of anxiety, I'm going to be completely honest. I don't know why but there are these little things in my daily life that I can't do. Simple things like going up to the cashier and paying, choosing a book from a shelf in a bookstore and so on and so forth. I find that very hard to do. I told one of my listeners on the app and he tried SO HARD to get me to remember what triggered that anxiety. Every time I would go to Starbucks and order a drink, my hands would go cold and sweaty. And then there's the trembling and shortness of breath.
Believe me, I've tried getting over it.
The few places where I can pay without any worry are at my school's koop and canteen. I think it's because I'm familiar with it? Plus, the akak who sits behind the counter at the koop is very nice.
I really want to get over it because it's annoying as hell and I don't know how much longer I can keep this from my parents.
I'm not quite sure how I can handle myself anymore.
I'm not quite sure how I can handle myself anymore.
